{"id":1518,"date":"2013-07-01T10:12:00","date_gmt":"2013-07-01T10:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/quantum.closelycoded.site\/?p=1518"},"modified":"2024-10-14T09:15:22","modified_gmt":"2024-10-14T09:15:22","slug":"indistinguishable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/events.cqt.sg\/shorts\/entry\/indistinguishable\/","title":{"rendered":"Indistinguishable"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"submit-data\">Submitted by <strong>Kenton K. Yee<\/strong><br>on November 30, 2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>QUANTUM SHORTS 2013: SHORTLISTED, OPEN CATEGORY<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I was in eighth grade, Dad started feeling \u201cneither here nor there.\u201d &nbsp;The harder he tried to relax, the more violently he\u2019d jitter. &nbsp;The only way he could stop jittering was to wave like a fancy-fin goldfish. &nbsp;My little sister said Dad was being \u201ccomplex\u2014like you, Joey.\u201d &nbsp;Mom humphed and said Dad was suffering midlife crisis.&nbsp; \u201cDon\u2019t you dare grow up to be like him,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I Google searched his symptoms. &nbsp;What Wikipedia said stunned me: my father had contracted wave particle duality. &nbsp;I begged him to see a physicist before he degenerated into a quantum wave function. &nbsp;Dad flapped his arms like an excited hummingbird and refused, insisting \u201cpsychics was a scam\u201d and that he \u201cneeded to find\u201d himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By the time I started high school, Dad was strobing like disco lights and hopping harmonically like a pogo stick. &nbsp;Every so often, he\u2019d fart, wiggle his hips, and flutter his arms like a Polynesian hula dancer. &nbsp;Fortunately, Dad held academic tenure at the university, so his paroxysms weren\u2019t a problem at work. &nbsp;(In fact, wave particle duality was mundane compared to the antics of Dad\u2019s colleagues in the statistics department: reading causality into correlations; extrapolating the past to predict the future; and passing off statistics as a hard science.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I finally called Uncle De Broglie. &nbsp;Fred De Broglie wasn\u2019t my real uncle, but a physics professor we had over for dinner when Dad needed an unsuspecting model of a mad scientist in his novel. &nbsp;The afternoon of the appointment, I bundled Dad into a Pauli Exclusion straightjacket and dragged him across campus to the science center.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Uncle De Broglie pinched his nose.&nbsp; \u201cPee eww!\u201d he said from behind a droopy Einstein mustache. &nbsp;He squared Dad and integrated him.&nbsp; \u201cYou\u2019re diverging.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Dad froze in mid fart. &nbsp;He pulled up the waist of his pants and touched his zipper.&nbsp; \u201cYou mean I\u2019m nonintegrable?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cNo, not over Euclidean space,\u201d De Broglie said.&nbsp; \u201cLucky for you, space is foamy at the Planck scale.\u201d &nbsp;He handed Dad a bottle of epsilons.&nbsp; \u201cTake the limit to zero twice a day. &nbsp;If you\u2019re not renormalized by next year, I\u2019ll request funds from your insurance company to try a new nonperturbative methodology for canceling anomalies.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">By the time I was studying for college entrance exams, Dad was tunneling. &nbsp;At first, he\u2019d tunnel back home every day and tell us about Copenhagen or another exotic destination. &nbsp;Over the next months, his absences grew longer. &nbsp;Upon his return, he\u2019d regaled my sister and me with elaborate stories\u2014he called them \u201cinterpretations\u201d\u2014about exploits with \u201cheavy bosons\u201d in \u201cmany other worlds.\u201d &nbsp;Then he\u2019d vanish again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Uncle De Broglie set up Josephson junctions sandwiched between layers of superconducting plates to trap Dad. &nbsp;He injected the contraption with phonons and set it on Dad\u2019s imitation cowhide armchair in front of the TV. &nbsp;Sis and I carried our homework to the sofa and waited there for Dad every night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The trap worked. &nbsp;At first, Dad sparkled and moaned, \u201cEureka! &nbsp;I found myself!\u201d &nbsp;He rambled deliriously about \u201cdelicious bosons\u201d surrounding and absorbing him into \u201ctheir equilibrium wave function.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Uncle De Broglie rushed over and adjusted some knobs.&nbsp; \u201cYour father\u2019s found himself.\u201d he declared.&nbsp; \u201cHe\u2019s tunneling between the plates, now indistinguishable from the other bosons.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWhat a relief,\u201d I said.&nbsp; \u201cMom won\u2019t have to worry that he\u2019s consorting with strange bosons in an alien bathroom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sis turned to the kitchen door.&nbsp; \u201cMom!\u201d she hollered.&nbsp; \u201cUncle De Broglie made Dad indistinguishable!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cA Bose-Einstein gas,\u201d De Broglie said.&nbsp; \u201cA condensate.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cThat\u2019s nice,\u201d mom hollered back.&nbsp; \u201cWould you like condensed milk in your coffee, Professor?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Things at home went back to normal now that we knew Dad was trapped on his favorite spot in front of the TV. &nbsp;I went away to college on the east coast. &nbsp;The university promoted Dad to a prestigious chair so that he wouldn\u2019t have to do any work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I returned home for the holidays in my senior year of college, Dad was as indistinguishable as ever.&nbsp; \u201cA quake knocked out the power and he almost evaporated,\u201d Mom said.&nbsp; \u201cThe backup generator kicked on just in time.\u201d &nbsp;On my last day before heading back east, I visited Professor De Broglie. &nbsp;He assured me that being an indistinguishable boson didn\u2019t hurt and that, wave or particle, we were all hologram projections of information residing at the edge of the universe.&nbsp; \u201cJoey,\u201d he said, \u201cthe edge of the universe is like the surface of a black hole.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cJeez,\u201d I said.&nbsp; \u201cAll this time I thought I was in America. &nbsp;I need to find myself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sitting on a window seat during the plane ride east, I felt lost, neither here nor there. &nbsp;Dad had found himself by becoming indistinguishable. &nbsp;The double reflection in the two-pane glass I stared into showed my father\u2019s face, twice. &nbsp;The faces looked at each other and then at me. &nbsp;I looked back, indistinguishable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\">THE END<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:40px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-1\" style=\"color:#df6523\">About the Author<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">AUTHOR BIO Kenton K. Yee\u2019s writings appear in places as diverse as Physical Review D, Financial Analysts Journal, The Los Angeles Review, Hobart, and Uncle John\u2019s Bathroom Reader. A PhD theoretical physicist working in finance, he writes from San Francisco. Fictionaut: http:\/\/fictionaut.com\/users\/kenton-k-yee<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Kenton K. Yee<br \/>\nNovember 30, 2013<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"desc\">When your father contracts wave particle duality, you know things are going to get messy&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span class=\"img-box-badge-shortlist\">Shortlisted<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span class=\"categ\">Open<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":49,"featured_media":260,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[21],"class_list":["post-1518","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-entry","tag-fiction-shortlisted"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Indistinguishable - Quantum Shorts<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/events.cqt.sg\/shorts\/entry\/indistinguishable\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Indistinguishable - Quantum Shorts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"by Kenton K. 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